What Does Being Gay Mean In Birmingham?

A Non-Scientific Survey

By Tod Companion

I asked a variety of gay people what the defining issue or thought was in their life as a gay person in Birmingham.

The people I spoke too, old and young, male and female, white and black, all seemed to say that of all the things going on in their lives, the gay thing was just a part of the picture, not the theme.

It may be that I only had access to a settled, older population of gay people. Many of the people I spoke to recalled the difficulty of coming out and the confusion of finding one's place. Younger gays, many of whom had come out in their teens, were almost more comfortable and matter-of-fact about their sexuality than older folk.

While most don't think they'll be holding hands in public anytime soon, nearly everyone thought Birmingham was a tolerant place. What follows are scattered snap-shots of their opinions, from the political to the private.

R, a man in his thirties, says that his job as an educator is more important to him than anything else. He's in a long-term relationship, and while he doesn't flaunt his gayness, neither does he hide it. He says "To put a quasi-ethnic spin on it: If I were Black and that blackness was the most important thing in my life, I would miss a lot. If I were a woman and my femininity were the defining issue in my life, I'd miss a lot."

E is in his late 20's and His biggest concern that his corporate job is imprisoning him in a "Dilbertian" universe. He fights this by painting, and building a life of simple domesticity with his partner. He finds the bar life dull and he bemoans the lack of diversity in gay activities in this city.

K just turned fifty and has left Birmingham. He was faced with hostile work environment at a major local publishing firm. After being chastised for using "too many show tune references" in his work and asked to walk differently because "his swishy walk offended people" he found a more lucrative career elsewhere. While this seemed to be the work of one or a few very homophobic individuals, he felt unprotected. He was also surprised to find many married men who were interested in having sex with him.

R, an African American in his twenties, finds the African American community to be very dysfunctional. The conservative, male dominated nature of many black families makes being black and gay even more difficult for black gay youth. He also feels that there are still pockets of racism within the gay community.

H, a woman in her early thirties, realized how accepted she was when a coworker at work, while they were trading relationship stories, said "Honey, do you think lesbians have cornered the market on co-dependent relationships? It was much worse with my first husband."

An African American in his thirties, E wants only to be happy, loved, and to feel needed. He believes his life is better because of the struggles of his parents and grandparents. He hopes he can in some way better the gay community and society as a whole for the future.

Y, a woman in her thirties, has been living comfortably with her partner and a roommate in a western suburb of Birmingham for several years. She's had no trouble with her neighbors, and it just occurred to her that the two men living next door might be gay too.

A is slightly less satisfied than most gay people I spoke to, She's concerned about the difficulty in meeting and getting to know people outside the bar. She also feels that the lesbian community plays second fiddle to the gay community of men. "You hear it all the time, Gay and lesbian." The word gay is capitalized and the word lesbian is always second.

N, a professional in his thirties is slightly more militant towards what he sees as a homophobic world. "My sexuality neither limits nor defines me. I want to be many things, a good friend, a caring partner, a hard worker - don't judge me on one little thing that doesn't affect how we interact.